Hi all,
I am sending this to those of you in the WV longer-established DBSA chapters, because I have a question about someone who has contacted me and come to one meeting. Since then, 3 more meetings, he calls to tell me that he can’t come to the meeting and why. My challenge is that my phone conversations with him are working into a lengthy and separate support meeting for two. It doesn’t feel right to me, but I’m new at this. He does not use the internet.
So, for members who can’t get to meetings, what is the best way to help them? Have any of you had similar situations and/or do you have some advice for me? I appreciate your time!!
Thanks,
Lucy
DBSA Jackson-Roane Counties Chapter
I am sending this to those of you in the WV longer-established DBSA chapters, because I have a question about someone who has contacted me and come to one meeting. Since then, 3 more meetings, he calls to tell me that he can’t come to the meeting and why. My challenge is that my phone conversations with him are working into a lengthy and separate support meeting for two. It doesn’t feel right to me, but I’m new at this. He does not use the internet.
So, for members who can’t get to meetings, what is the best way to help them? Have any of you had similar situations and/or do you have some advice for me? I appreciate your time!!
Thanks,
Lucy
DBSA Jackson-Roane Counties Chapter
Hi Lucy,
ReplyDeleteFirst some questions: 1)Do you have this person's name and phone number? 2)You say this doesn't feel right to you - Do you feel his motives are suspicious in any way? 3)If you do have his name, address & phone #, is it possible that someone might be willing to drive him to your meetings? 4)Do you feel he is genuinely in some distress when he calls? As if he REALLY needs to speak with someone? If so, perhaps you can direct him to a crisis phone line. If he's polite, needy, but just a little long winded, maybe someone in your group would actually enjoy talking talking to him regularly.
We should remember that we are ficilitators and not trained crisis counselors. Sure, we all spend time when someone first calls for information about the meetings and it's quite good to answer some of their questions right then - you can make someone feel much better by being there in that way. But if we feel too inconvenienced, uncomfortable or actually taken advantaged of then restrictions need to be put in place. Another question: Do you have Caller ID? If so, you can put an end to this by not answering when he calls. If you don't have caller ID, don't pay the phone company for it! Subscribe instead to Vonage for your phone service - You'll still have your local phone number (and 911 service) plus all long distance at no charge. Caller ID is free and so is voicemail. All your calls are shown on-line, too. Vonage works through your internet connection and we've had it for at least a year with no hitches. And it has some other nice features that you can't get anywhere else that I know of.
This blog is a great idea, we can get the info to everyone at the same time. I am sure we have all had someone who likes to call and dump on us, but won't take the time to come to the meetings. I have one person who does that but I usually go ahead and spend some time with her on the phone, but it is only complain, complain, about how she has no friends, and she thinks the people in this area are against her and she would like to go back where she came from etc, etc. so, I usually just let her talk. But fortunately for me she only calls about once every 3 months or so. I think Lucy, you may tell this person that you are really busy and the best time to air our problems is at the meeting and that there will be others at the meeting who maby be able to give him better suggestions, as is what happens when we have several minds coming together.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck, and thank you for caring for others.
Diana
blogging is great! we can all keep in touch! les
ReplyDelete